Salam again.
I sorta promised myself that I ain't gonna be all broken heart(ed) if our (me and Adib) relationship didn't work out and can't be saved anymore...
I sorta promised myself that I won't turn back to Adib if he met someone that he really like and they finally decided to be together (marry and stuff like that)..
I sorta promised myself that I'm only protecting(?) someone's jodoh (in this case, the Adib) so whenever and wherever he doesn't want me anymore, I must move on and continue with my life as it is and never cling on Adib and act all poor, pity and stuff coz that is so damn PATHETIC Syazwani.. like pls dun.....hbis la my dignity... haih...
I sorta also promised myself that I won't be keeping any grudge against Adib coz whatever happened between us were all in the past and maybe we weren't matured enough so that's why we did these and those, so these and those ain't Adib's fault alone, they were also mine, so no grudging pls..
I sorta promised myself to always stay strong and wish for the best for Adib coz he deserved the best, and maybe the best ain't me, so wani mohon kena start sedar diri coz please... not that pathetic again k..
Maybe we just aren't meant for, in this life.. Maybe we just meant to cross path with each other.
Maybe...
Tutup salam.
Wednesday 31 May 2017
Past? Present? Future?
Assalamualaikum.
Soooooo.... it's 5th of Ramadhan 1438 AH.. Alhamdulillah, dh 4 hari puasa..
So, what's new? Hmmm... I fall ill exactly when Ramadhan started til today. Siap pegi emergency kt Hospital Serdang lgi pukul 3 pagi bhai.. pergh.. sbb migraine and mmg insomnia xleh tdo. Seksanya ya ampun, dh la nk kne bgun for sahur later on pastu xleh tdo. Seb baik la awal2 sakit tu, it was weekend, so I just sleep thru the day la sbb xlarat sgt. Pastu asyik muntah, sakit kepala, batuk, demam, sakit tekak.. really really really challenging namati la... Rasa cm nk mati dh pun ada gak tp bile pikir amal xseberapa so mcm xlayak je nk mati mse bulan Ramadhan.. hahaha (-_-)"
Next, wanna talk about Adib of course.. hahahahhahahhaahaahhahhahahahahahahahahahaha
Memang xda nama lain wehhhh... sorry r... hehehe...
We are getting more far from each other I guess. He started working in Cognizent, Cyberjaya. Senang la kan dpt keje sbb bdk Software Eng kan.. Software kan tgh demand skrg so yeah, alhamdulillah la rezeki dia.. But I'm so pissed coz I got to spend less time with him, since he's working right.. but yeah, priorities, dude..?? come on?? LOL
I can understand that you're being damn busy with works and all. K la fine, u blik pun dh pkul 6.30 ptg and of course, I dun feel like disturbing him during the office hour and I didn't even disturbed him during the weekdays, faham la penat, bz bagai.. but still, a single ws will be more that enough kot...kot.. What about a single text wishing 'Good morning, I'm on my way to work. Have a nice day ahead'. Kan dh bahagia dh aku satu hari tu klau dpt ws cmtu.. But now, HAROOOMMMMM... mimpi la wani...
So we watched Pirates of The Carribean on the 26th May, midnight la kot kirenye, sbb start wyg kul 11.30pm. Ya Allah, idk la, I'm still hurt sbb dia keep on mrh2 mse I bwk kete, mcm I bwk teruk sgt.. I mcm nk ngs kot that time but tahan je sbb dh lama xklua dgn dia so bile dia ajk tgk wyg tu, ya Allah, hepi nye rase.... but when those kinda thingy happen, pastu dia ckp yg dia nyesal ajk aku tgk wyg sbb driving skill aku, sbb aku cm jln cpt2 nk msuk sbb dh lmbt, wyg dh start bagai.. I was like, teruk sgt eh aku nie.. haih wani........
Pastu aku pikir balik la, patutnya aku xyah agree pun nk pegi tgk wyg tu, lgi buat aku sakit hati ada la.. aku kemain rindu kat dia but when things like these happen, aku dh cm lantak ah, whatever, dh mcm skati ko la nk jd ape pun.. but i didn't say it in front of his face la kan.. kang nnti dia lgi marah. Adib tu panas baran kot, pastu ego tggi, tggi lgi drp aku.. tang mne ntah buat aku syg sgt kt dia.. hmmm..... yes, I know, wani bodoh.. dh taw dh..
Oh, lupe nk cite yg psal Adib ckp aku buruk tu.. hahahha.. mse tu tgk program MDR tp serious aku pny jerawat mmg haywire la.. aku pun geli dgn muka sndiri.. like yucks gile.. tp aku cm xsgka la dia nk ckp direct trus kata aku buruk, bapak kuajaq.. mmg la buruk, but perlu ke nk ckp cmtu gile.. bangang nye la.. dia mcm mak ko ckp kt ko, ko buruk.. tu la kot feeling dia.. sbb ko kan msti syg mak ko kan, so bile org yg ko syg, igt akn terima ko seadanya pastu dia ckp ko buruk.. haa, gitu la feeling dia.. bapak ah aku tacing taim tu almost smggu gak la, siap block adib kt ws, insta dgn twitter... ahahhahaha.. last2 dia call la cri aku, tp tu laa, laki ni slow skit, dia xtaw pun ape slh dia... herghh... stress noks nk meng-explain-nye..... haihhhhh......
Ok, back to other things pulak, yg ada kaitan sikit dgn tajuk atas tu... hahahahhaha..
The thing is, I dunno why la, since Ramadhan, I kept on being remembered on how Adib actually treated me in the early stage of our relationship, we went terawih together, we went buka puasa together, we went here and there til shah alam, jumpe Ainmas, and all of these were because I asked for them. I. Ask.For.Them....and now? hmmmm... mcm xleh je nk buke puasa skali, mcm xleh je nk g terawih skali. Btw, I didn't even dare to ask actually.. hahhaha.. coz takut kne mrh, coz I know he works til late evening, pastu dh penat bagai kan. So, I sorta understand that la.. yeke? (hehe)..
On our way back to his home after the movie, I asked,
" Kalau I x contact u ajk jmpe mlm ni, u contact i tak?" coz I was thinking, we gonna start fasting tomoro, so we shud see each other before fasting..coz..idk...yeah, I miss him, that's the real reason. hahahaha...
To which he replied,
"No."
So I asked,
"Mmg plan ke nk pegi tgk wyg nie."
To which he also replied,
"No."
I wanna ask a few more questions but I know he doesn't like to be questioned, kang dia tggl aku tepi jalan, sapa nk kutip bhai.. hahahaha.. so yeah, I kept silent la.. But my mind were spinning, thinking, rolling coz yeah...... Wani, overthinking is my best friend. hahaha..
But, we have changed. not only him, but me too.. Adib became someone with a very baran person, kot.. xleh dh nk mnja2 sgt dgn dia, nk ngade2 pun xleh.. He's getting angrier every single time we met.. I dun even know thou, is it my fault? I think so.. I always always always asked silly questions.. Sorry Adib... Mohon bertahan lgi few months til I'm graduating k..
and Syazwani also changed, I became timid when in front of Adib, berani lawan dia dlm ws je.. ego dh buang ke laut, but sometimes ada jgk la.. but still, I'm a yes person, every time dgn Adib.. ntah la.. Sorry again, Adib.. (if u were reading this)
I miss our past. I seriously miss them so damn much.. seriously, I'm not joking.. I miss em soooo much.. and present Adib is so scary... and future Adib? We gonna have a future together mehh?? ok la, mybe the next few months until Oct kot.. til I graduate k.. so for the next few month, I dunno..
Will we still be together?
Will you be bored with me?
Will you still love me? (Eh jap, even now kan, do u still love me?)
Will you still be that scary?
or
Will you just be a memory?
I dunno. But, told ya before, tugas Syazwani jaga jodoh orang is too normal k.. even angah pun, dh tlg jga mse kt intec dlu.. hahaha.. so kt uniten ni, kire tlg jaga jodoh untuk adib la en.. deng.. saya layak jaga jodoh org je ke awak?? ermmmm....
not sure I'm still in love with the current you, or I'm only in love with the past you... but I sure miss the memories.. Nowadays memories scared me, saddened me, stressed me..
A few more months left til Oct, wani.
Til then, adib, sy jaga awk elok2 k.. (padahal aku yg kne org jaga)
xpe la.. Syazwani mmg penjaga bhai.. hahaha..
Salam Ramadhan, mintak2 puasa penuh tahun nie mls nk ganti. Aminnnnn~~~
Adios
Soooooo.... it's 5th of Ramadhan 1438 AH.. Alhamdulillah, dh 4 hari puasa..
So, what's new? Hmmm... I fall ill exactly when Ramadhan started til today. Siap pegi emergency kt Hospital Serdang lgi pukul 3 pagi bhai.. pergh.. sbb migraine and mmg insomnia xleh tdo. Seksanya ya ampun, dh la nk kne bgun for sahur later on pastu xleh tdo. Seb baik la awal2 sakit tu, it was weekend, so I just sleep thru the day la sbb xlarat sgt. Pastu asyik muntah, sakit kepala, batuk, demam, sakit tekak.. really really really challenging namati la... Rasa cm nk mati dh pun ada gak tp bile pikir amal xseberapa so mcm xlayak je nk mati mse bulan Ramadhan.. hahaha (-_-)"
Next, wanna talk about Adib of course.. hahahahhahahhaahaahhahhahahahahahahahahahaha
Memang xda nama lain wehhhh... sorry r... hehehe...
We are getting more far from each other I guess. He started working in Cognizent, Cyberjaya. Senang la kan dpt keje sbb bdk Software Eng kan.. Software kan tgh demand skrg so yeah, alhamdulillah la rezeki dia.. But I'm so pissed coz I got to spend less time with him, since he's working right.. but yeah, priorities, dude..?? come on?? LOL
I can understand that you're being damn busy with works and all. K la fine, u blik pun dh pkul 6.30 ptg and of course, I dun feel like disturbing him during the office hour and I didn't even disturbed him during the weekdays, faham la penat, bz bagai.. but still, a single ws will be more that enough kot...kot.. What about a single text wishing 'Good morning, I'm on my way to work. Have a nice day ahead'. Kan dh bahagia dh aku satu hari tu klau dpt ws cmtu.. But now, HAROOOMMMMM... mimpi la wani...
So we watched Pirates of The Carribean on the 26th May, midnight la kot kirenye, sbb start wyg kul 11.30pm. Ya Allah, idk la, I'm still hurt sbb dia keep on mrh2 mse I bwk kete, mcm I bwk teruk sgt.. I mcm nk ngs kot that time but tahan je sbb dh lama xklua dgn dia so bile dia ajk tgk wyg tu, ya Allah, hepi nye rase.... but when those kinda thingy happen, pastu dia ckp yg dia nyesal ajk aku tgk wyg sbb driving skill aku, sbb aku cm jln cpt2 nk msuk sbb dh lmbt, wyg dh start bagai.. I was like, teruk sgt eh aku nie.. haih wani........
Pastu aku pikir balik la, patutnya aku xyah agree pun nk pegi tgk wyg tu, lgi buat aku sakit hati ada la.. aku kemain rindu kat dia but when things like these happen, aku dh cm lantak ah, whatever, dh mcm skati ko la nk jd ape pun.. but i didn't say it in front of his face la kan.. kang nnti dia lgi marah. Adib tu panas baran kot, pastu ego tggi, tggi lgi drp aku.. tang mne ntah buat aku syg sgt kt dia.. hmmm..... yes, I know, wani bodoh.. dh taw dh..
Oh, lupe nk cite yg psal Adib ckp aku buruk tu.. hahahha.. mse tu tgk program MDR tp serious aku pny jerawat mmg haywire la.. aku pun geli dgn muka sndiri.. like yucks gile.. tp aku cm xsgka la dia nk ckp direct trus kata aku buruk, bapak kuajaq.. mmg la buruk, but perlu ke nk ckp cmtu gile.. bangang nye la.. dia mcm mak ko ckp kt ko, ko buruk.. tu la kot feeling dia.. sbb ko kan msti syg mak ko kan, so bile org yg ko syg, igt akn terima ko seadanya pastu dia ckp ko buruk.. haa, gitu la feeling dia.. bapak ah aku tacing taim tu almost smggu gak la, siap block adib kt ws, insta dgn twitter... ahahhahaha.. last2 dia call la cri aku, tp tu laa, laki ni slow skit, dia xtaw pun ape slh dia... herghh... stress noks nk meng-explain-nye..... haihhhhh......
Ok, back to other things pulak, yg ada kaitan sikit dgn tajuk atas tu... hahahahhaha..
The thing is, I dunno why la, since Ramadhan, I kept on being remembered on how Adib actually treated me in the early stage of our relationship, we went terawih together, we went buka puasa together, we went here and there til shah alam, jumpe Ainmas, and all of these were because I asked for them. I. Ask.For.Them....and now? hmmmm... mcm xleh je nk buke puasa skali, mcm xleh je nk g terawih skali. Btw, I didn't even dare to ask actually.. hahhaha.. coz takut kne mrh, coz I know he works til late evening, pastu dh penat bagai kan. So, I sorta understand that la.. yeke? (hehe)..
On our way back to his home after the movie, I asked,
" Kalau I x contact u ajk jmpe mlm ni, u contact i tak?" coz I was thinking, we gonna start fasting tomoro, so we shud see each other before fasting..coz..idk...yeah, I miss him, that's the real reason. hahahaha...
To which he replied,
"No."
So I asked,
"Mmg plan ke nk pegi tgk wyg nie."
To which he also replied,
"No."
I wanna ask a few more questions but I know he doesn't like to be questioned, kang dia tggl aku tepi jalan, sapa nk kutip bhai.. hahahaha.. so yeah, I kept silent la.. But my mind were spinning, thinking, rolling coz yeah...... Wani, overthinking is my best friend. hahaha..
But, we have changed. not only him, but me too.. Adib became someone with a very baran person, kot.. xleh dh nk mnja2 sgt dgn dia, nk ngade2 pun xleh.. He's getting angrier every single time we met.. I dun even know thou, is it my fault? I think so.. I always always always asked silly questions.. Sorry Adib... Mohon bertahan lgi few months til I'm graduating k..
and Syazwani also changed, I became timid when in front of Adib, berani lawan dia dlm ws je.. ego dh buang ke laut, but sometimes ada jgk la.. but still, I'm a yes person, every time dgn Adib.. ntah la.. Sorry again, Adib.. (if u were reading this)
I miss our past. I seriously miss them so damn much.. seriously, I'm not joking.. I miss em soooo much.. and present Adib is so scary... and future Adib? We gonna have a future together mehh?? ok la, mybe the next few months until Oct kot.. til I graduate k.. so for the next few month, I dunno..
Will we still be together?
Will you be bored with me?
Will you still love me? (Eh jap, even now kan, do u still love me?)
Will you still be that scary?
or
Will you just be a memory?
I dunno. But, told ya before, tugas Syazwani jaga jodoh orang is too normal k.. even angah pun, dh tlg jga mse kt intec dlu.. hahaha.. so kt uniten ni, kire tlg jaga jodoh untuk adib la en.. deng.. saya layak jaga jodoh org je ke awak?? ermmmm....
not sure I'm still in love with the current you, or I'm only in love with the past you... but I sure miss the memories.. Nowadays memories scared me, saddened me, stressed me..
A few more months left til Oct, wani.
Til then, adib, sy jaga awk elok2 k.. (padahal aku yg kne org jaga)
xpe la.. Syazwani mmg penjaga bhai.. hahaha..
Salam Ramadhan, mintak2 puasa penuh tahun nie mls nk ganti. Aminnnnn~~~
Adios
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