kehilangan yg dirindui

salam.. guten tag!! halo!

hmm.. i got a very bad news.. my grandpa, bak... has gone to rahmatullah on Tues, 12Jun2012 at 10pm.. alfatihah

git call from ibu about 4 times that night but didn't realize it since i'm charging my phone kt lua bilik.. so, sudden hear of the msg ringtone. then, pegi la kt phone tuu.. then, i didn't manage to read the msg yet, my mom already called me..bak meninggal, kemas beg, balik.. abg yamin mai ambik nnti.. that's the only thing that i can hear.. when suddenly, i drop that phone.. what!!!! my precious phone!!! seb baik xda pape.. okfine...

then. kemas brg, msuk bilik je.. nmpk yee ling...

'i need to go back!'
'dun tell me...'
'yes, he's gone...' without any delay, i drop my body on the bed, and start crying...
'dun be like that laaa....shhhuuuu...'yee ling comfort me.. danke, liebling!!

i start packing my bag again... my cousin will arrive soon.. soo soon... msg my cousin, then he said, two minutes more, get downstairs, we'll pick u up.. i wait in front of cemara..  my cousins arrive, then we went to hospital serdang.. woaahhh.. he even break thru a few red lights to get there.. sooo fast.. i was holding my tears inside the car.. but, fail.. i cried but manage to didn't let out any sound.. mybe kak farah hear me, perhaps laa... my mind keep thinking at bak.. everything that he had told me b4, anything that he gave me before.. aaarrggghhh..just can't hold the tears again...

arrive at the hosp..  i saw a few sedara mara from kl.. my che yong was there bzy preparing for his transport to went back to besut... i sat there.. didn't managed to sat though.. as soon asi saw bak, i can't see him... i moved back in fear.. da lame xtgk jenazah.. i'm scared.. scared to realize that he's already gone from this world.. mcm terngiang2 je ape yg dia pnah gtau.. wooaahh... but i gather all my courage then, yeah.. i managed to step n be about 3feets from him.. still, i'm frozen to death.. abg yamin opened the cover, revealing his yellow looking face... i almost drop myself.. he kissed bak's forehead, n both cheeks.. i was like..donno what to do.. i'm emotionless.. i didn't even tried to step closer but even move backwards.. what a grandchild.. haaaaa... i waited there until 2.30am... such long wait for the van jenazah to come there...

and yeah... i watched everything, from bathing, 'kapan'ing n also praying... i watch every single step but not the for the whole bathing process.. i didn't dare.. bak's stomach r big.. full of water.. he can't digest it since all the system has already stop functioning... my tears keep on coming out when it was the time for 'kapan'ing.. i was tersedu sedan there.. can't stop my tears.. really can't.. i was flashing back for all the good deeds that he had done to me.. and i was thinking, what was the thing that i've done for him... is it enough to repay back all his kindness?? is it enough?

one scene seems to be so sticky in my head, i was watching Running Man in Bangi at that time..in front of tv, in front of my laptop.. he came and sit beside me on the sofa..

'tgh tgk gapo tu?' he ask
'tgk korea' if i said Running Man, did he knew them? i dun think soo...
'hmm.. ank2 muda duk hanyut nga bnda nie ko??'
erk... sentap.. tutup laptop.. tgk tv... aaaa... sumpah... sentap...


then, after i waited from 11 until 2.30am, i went back to che yong's house in bangi then met my parents n ajim n nurin... we start our journey back to besut as soon as i reach bangi.. simpan2 their bags then, start going back home at almost 3.15am.. my father drove all the way though he's sleepy.. alhamdulillah, nothing happen... when i reach home at 10.45am, the van jenazah already arrive.. they had start bathing n 'kapan'ing bak again... i don't have any energy to go to bak's house and settle up things there.. i'm tidying my house, coz ayah su gonna stay here during the havoc at bak's house.. then, i ate breakfast mit lunch coz its almost 12.30.. then, i took bath when evryone already gone to bak's house.. then, i went there alone, seeing everyone has tears on their eyes.. i gather my courage.. i thought that i had already let go lots of tears before so, today.. i'm not going to tear.. is it?? as soon as everyone gather and it was the last time for us to see him bfore they close the kain kapan at his face.. everyone cry.. so do i.. they start kissing him while holding the tears.. but i can't hold my tears so, i went back to the wall, away from everyone but i still manage to see his smiling face.. seriously, u can tell that he's smiling.. auntie push me towards bak..
 'this is the last time awak nk jmpe bak..pasni xdop dh.. pegi la cium bak.. pahni awak xleh dh jupe dia' she cried and make me cried harder.. aku da geleng2 kpala then, that person closed that kain kapan on his face.. i cried even harder.. its time for zohor prayer, they r going to perform another solat jenazah b4 going to kubur.. i went to kubur by foot with mom and auntie.. abah was there.. i though he went to zohor prayer but he didn't... that kubur was 7feets downward, and mata air was sprouting out from it.. abah was pumping the water from inside the kubur to outside.. kimi was helping him.. the white shirt on abah was full of mud.. it was all over his face also....

waiting for the van jenazah to come... and everything went out well..

yeah... i'm glad everything was over.. danke to all.. yeah.. that's a really long post i think... hehe...
lastly, alfatihah for him... danke