harini, mcm2 jadi.. aduhai.. rase nk quit.. rase nk stop.. sumenye a really negative feeling..
Heute, i got my Chemie's mark.. damn sooooooooo schlecht!!! ich hasse Chemie aber, i muss Chemie studieren weil ich moechte ein Ingineeur werden.. (engineer xtaw btol xeja..mls nk belek google trns) huh.. today.. everything mls... das egal mir..
i'm in my own world.. after i knoe bout that marks.. warte! how i knoe the marks?? opcoz, i'm not like cik diyanah or ainmas, excitedly go n see miss fiza for the wonderful marks.. i'm a little bit shame actually.. yeah, coz i olready knoe that i wun get higher marks.. coz i'm weak in Chemie.. i mean, i'm really weak in Chemie.. no hard feeling..
i text miss fiza, yeah.. i did.. at first, i dun really wan to do that coz i'm not so confidence, but after knowing ainmas n yana olready knoe mine, ofcoz the owner should knoe it too.. n yeah.. i'm very dissapointed.. though i olready knoe that i can't get any higher marks but, opcoz, this heart won't listen..
what make me become even sadder?? coz the dejavu that my mom had.. yeah.. she's the kind that knoe what i'll be doing.. i'm not home.. i'm playing around.. i'm goin' sumwhere else..bla3.. i got sad.. i become happy..anything that didn't seem to be good to me.. she will knoe it.. n yeah.. she did.. she called as soon as i got the text that miss reply that say my marks.. n what else.. that naluri keibuan knoe that sumthing is wrong n without any hesitation.. i told her.. while CRYING... wani, u r a big gurl now but still crying for help from ur mom.. pffffhhhuuu.. i dun care.. she's still my mom.. now n forever..
oh yeah.. since the tears r flowing.. i can't speak that much.. just nodding while saying yes, yes, yes n yes for everything that she said.. its not that i dun want to talk but, i'm afraid if i speak, she'll knoe that i'm crying( though i olready knoe that she knoe.. coz i 'ter'let out that ..sobs... thing.. ) but still, yeah.. i couldn't speak so much.. n she left me with her advice, as usual..i felt a lot better.. much much better.. but, i still dun have any mood that time.. so, i'm just sleeping all day without opening any book.. yeah, sleep.. until almost 7.. forgot to mention earlier, i dun eat enything since morning.. just a cup of coffee in the morning then, nothing until 7pm..
that time, my second rescuer came.. my acu from kedah.. she talks like nothing happen.. greeting me as usual.. n suddenly, she asks, how's life?? n from that moment, i knoe, she olready knoe bout 'that' thing.. yeah, 'that' thing i mention earlier.. hehe.. n i start to spill out everything that i feel.. n i burst out my second round tears.. diz time, its more n more than before..she loves to make jokes n thnx to her, i manage to smile for today.. yeah.. her nasihat??
~ this is just the 1st sem.. work harder for next sem.. n next sem n next sem.. (she keep repeating the next sem) > lame.. hehe.. everybody says that when u want to make ur heart feels better for the mistakes that u have done before.. n i did that olso.. hehe...
~ mybe nie ujian yg ALLAH bg kat kakak.. sblum nie duduk kat tmpt best kat sekolah dulu.. doesn't even care bout anyone else coz i'm alwez on top.. i'm sitting on gold chair in my prev school.. coz all teachers, frens, likes me.. not like actually, but they have hopes in me for me to be a better candidates in spm.. and alwez become their reference.. i actually miss that moment when i become the main thing that everyone cares the most.. n now, who am i?? i'm not even worth to be in ALG.. they r just sooo good, sooo smart, soo intelligent.. n yeah..i'm no one compared to them.. i'm the stupidest in ALG15 n i realize that.. n yeah..i'm taking it in a positive way.. this is ujian that HE gives to me.. i should be glad coz i've experience this.. to be honest, i never experience failure.. not never but seldom.. n the last time would be years ago, mybe when i'm in form 2??
that's a few things that i remember bout what she said to me.. there's lots more but, i'm keeping it as my own little secret.. can i?? so.. what i have to do now?? was??
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| my bestie.. since standard 1 n still counting... insyaALLAH, until jannah |
~ i'm going to work harder n harder.. insyaALLAH
~ i'm really thankful to HIM for giving me this sadness.. i'm goin' to become a more matured girl.. insyaALLAH..
~ please bless me in everything that i'm goin; to do
give me strength.. give me chances, give me success..
~ Alhamdulillah, coz u give me this failure... so that i knoe where i am.. my position n i'm goin' to be someone between the higher score.. its ok though i dun get the highest mark.. coz i know, YOU already knoe what's the best for me..
~insyaALLAH, alles zusammen nach Deutschland fliegen.. kite fly same2..
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| nie FRANKFURT, my new class name..insyaALLAH, i'll be there 2years from now.. |
ya ALLAH, bagi aku kekuatan.. untuk mengharungi semua dugaan yg Engkau berikan.. berikan ape yang terbaik untuk aku.. sesungguhnya, Engkaulah yg Maha Mengetahui lagi Maha Mengasihani.. Amin..
i think that's all..maybe.. yeah.. assalamualaikum.. keep smiling though u r crying.. =)
~LiNRa93~
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